HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO US!

Today is my and Ricky's 2 year anniversary and I am taking every opportunity to reflect on this day two years ago and how special it was for both of us!  I've decided to share my wedding vows to Ricky here on my blog...Enjoy!


My Wedding Vows
Recited April 10, 2010

Ricky, Since God brought you to me, my spirit has been ignited to make the two most important choices for my life: to surrender my entire life and everything in it to Jesus Christ, and to accept you as my husband; to vow today to be all that God calls me to be as your wife.  

For so long I was chasing all the wrong things and running away from the One who eventually, in His perfect timing, would send you to come find me.  Having created my own version of God, a God of convenience, I still would pray for a partner.  It did cross my mind from time to time that perhaps I should let Him choose, but in the meantime, I toiled and I spun.  And I always ended up right where I began. 

Although we were both on our own journeys in seeking Him and each other, I can’t help but wonder how many times we both knelt before Him at the same time to ask, “Lord, how much longer?” 

The definition of grace is getting what you don’t deserve.  The definition of mercy is not getting what you do deserve.  You are a representation of both God’s grace and mercy in my life.  In the midst of my sinfulness, in the confusion of following every “spirituality of the moment,” He knew that I was seeking Him.  While my mind fought against His will, my heart yearned to know Him intimately.  All the while, you were on your own journey in which the Lord was equipping you, sifting you, molding you and preparing you for me.  We both know all that He brought us thru to get us here today.  And for those who don’t know the living God, I hope that they will see this event, this day and everything that has gone into it as a giant arrow pointing unequivocally to the one who blesses us abundantly beyond any measure that we could even fathom. 

As I knelt and prayed to God for a partner I could never have imagined what He was preparing for me.  I love you for how much you love me, but most of all I love you for how much you love Him.  I did not ask the Lord for a God-fearing man.  But that’s the thing about God—he listens to what we want….and then gives us what we NEED. 

From the first time we spoke I felt like I was talking to an old friend whom I had known my whole life.  Because God has been planning our meeting before the beginning of time, as far as He was concerned, we already knew each other.  Like the lyrics of the song say, “When God made you, he must have been thinking about me.” He definitely was.

Our conversations about our savior went on for hours and days…sometimes peaceful and loving, other times frustrating and stressful….but always ALWAYS edifying.  And always a blessing!

Thank you for praying for me and being patient with me.…for answering all my questions according to the Truth and not according to my itching ears.  Thank you for telling me, “If you want to argue about the Bible, you’ll have to read it first!” Thank you for introducing me to Jesus and for not compromising the truth….for trusting God to work in my heart….for telling me you loved me just as I was, even if I never changed.  Thank you for giving me room to grow and for reminding me what a loving, forgiving and merciful God I serve… and for letting me know when my behavior was less than godly. 

Your forgiving and humble spirit inspires me to be a better person, a better daughter a better sister, and starting today, a better wife every single day.  I give glory to God for the opportunity to do so with you as my partner. 

I cannot imagine anything better than continuing to serve the Lord alongside you in whatever way he calls us to.  And so today I offer myself to you, to be your wife and stand beside you always…to love you when you are strong and love when you are weak.  To delight with you in your joys and to hold you when you’re hurting…to celebrate your victories and to pray over your defeats, to remind you who you are and WHOSE you are when it seems that heaven has shut its doors.  To run God’s race with you in this life and to never take for granted that YOU are my gift from God.  To have more of our long conversations about everything and anything…and to just spend time saying nothing at all.  To laugh with you, to cry with you, to nurse you back to health when you are sick and to commit my life to God and to you for all the days of my life.  Until death do us part.  

Can I Hold Your Baby?

I was never a "Can I hold your baby?" type of person.  At all.  Unless I had a very close relationship to the mom, I really had no desire to hold a baby.  When they were tiny I thought they were too floppy and scary to hold.  Plus I didn't know what to do once the tiny baby was placed in my arms.  Should I talk to it?  What would I say?  Should I sing to it?  I hadn't prepared anything!  I had no material!  I felt like as the "holder of the baby" in the room I was all of a sudden under a spotlight and (shockingly) I didn't like it.  When they were bigger, I worried they would start crying because I wasn't their mommy and then I would be stuck holding a crying baby with no one to save me (or the baby) and everyone would think that I made the baby cry.  All of these things would go thru my mind at the moment when someone would offer to "let me" hold their baby.  I would think, "Did I make it look like I wanted to hold the baby?  Well, I can't say no NOW."  


I know that all of this is pretty awful and forgive me if you are worried that you made me hold your baby when I really didn't want to.  Rest assured that if you and I are close, I enjoyed holding your baby.  I also enjoyed when you took your baby back.  


I promise there is a redeeming end to this post.    


When I was pregnant, there were a lot of people around me having babies.  I would look at how tiny they were and worry that I wouldn't be able to handle a tiny one of my own.  I wasn't worried or anxious about the sleepless nights.  Those pretty much start with pregnancy, so the Lord really prepared me for that.  I was just worried about the tiny limbs and droopy head and how I would manage to pick him up, put him down, feed him, burp him, change him, BATHE HIM...oh Lawd!


My pregnant self imagined my mommy self happily welcoming offers for help with the baby as well as offers to babysit while I spent loads of time doing my own thing.  During pregnancy, I often thought about how my days of freedom were numbered.  Soon I would no longer be able to come and go as I pleased.  I'd be on someone else's [tiny] watch.  


But God does give you the grace.  And by 'grace' I mean everything I didn't deserve: the ability, wisdom, joy and desire to take care of my baby.  


I'm happy to say that since the birth of my child, not only am I happy when someone offers to let me hold their baby, I am actually drawn to babies, even ones whose parents I don't know.  The tinier the better.  Ricky can tell you that we were in a Burger King in El Salvador eating lunch when a woman sat down with her newborn baby girl.  She had a tray of food in front of her and was trying to manage holding the baby and eating when I told Ricky, "I want to go over there and offer to hold her baby while she eats."  I figured she'd get to eat lunch while I'd get to hold the little one.  I was in El Salvador to share the love of God after all!  But just when I was mustering the courage, she fashioned a little bed for the baby on the bench she was sitting on and proceeded to eat her lunch cool as a cucumber.  I'll admit I was a little disappointed (and also kind of jealous of her ingenuity!) and instead I became that lady across the Burger King who kept looking at someone else's baby and smiling.    


Every tiny baby I see now reminds me of the amazing first days, weeks and months of getting to know my baby.   I look at the mom and wonder if she loves the experience as much as I do.  


The reason I write about this is because I was talking about it with a newly married friend the other day at, whadaya know, a baby shower!  This friend of mine has shared with me that she's also not a fan of holding babies, which obviously I can appreciate.  I had my little guy with me; My 9 month old 21 pound ball of energy accompanied me to the shower and I went prepared with plenty of snacks and toys (and more snacks) to keep him busy.  (He was the model of good behavior, but that's besides the point.)  So I was sharing with my friend that I never saw myself being "the best mom ever," meaning that after I had ONE baby I imagined ONE would be more than sufficient.  I told her I wasn't sure I'd enjoy being home with a baby all day and that I thought I'd miss my career and old life.  But like I mentioned earlier, God gave me the grace I needed to be a mother.  And not only did He give me the grace I needed, He gave so much more in addition.  Because, after all, He's God and He promises to give us abundantly more than we ask for or dream about (Ephesians 3:20).   


I have never loved a job, title or role more than I have loved being a mother.  It has actually shocked me how much I love it.  I love the structure of the day with a baby.  I love that playing with him on the floor is a crucial part of my job.  I love that pretty much everything I do during my day is for the good of my little family: cooking, cleaning, organizing, food shopping, running errands, making baby food, feeding, changing diapers, being the family "secretary," working from home, all of it!  I love that my responsibility is to take care of my home and make sure that my husband and baby are always comfortable, well fed and well rested.  It definitely does not hurt that I have the greatest husband that I could have never imagined who works so hard and still loves to help with the baby, laundry and whatever household chore I couldn't complete during the week, not to mention getting up for the baby's first bottle each day so I can either sleep in or go to the gym to workout as well as shifting his days off at work to accommodate all of our family (nuclear and extended) obligations.  


I also love that I understand the desire for a second baby now.  I never understood how people didn't just think one was enough.  Enough responsibility, enough personal time stolen, enough crying, enough neediness, enough money spent...ENOUGH!  I'm glad we're being honest here.  But as my little guy gets bigger everyday, I can't help but miss that tininess of a newborn.  I also love watching Marcos with other children and how he is so entertained by them. I could put on a clown suit and do cartwheels and he wouldn't be as entertained as he is watching a 9 year old at regular play.  And most shocking to me is a statement I made to Ricky a little while back: "I think there should always be a baby in the house."  Um, yeah I'm still trying to figure out where that came from!!  But I know that as I watch Marcos crawl around and explore I can't help but imagine a bunch of kids in my house and always a little guy or lady crawling around and being the "baby" trying to keep up with the "big kids."  It just seems like the best to me!  I grew up surrounded by siblings and tons of cousins and I have always loved the chaos of a big family.  So now I kind of want to start a little chaos of my own!  Is it any wonder that I originated the role of Mama Bear in a bilingual version of Goldilocks and the 3 Bears in 2005?


Don't worry, I'm pretty sure the Lord is not calling us to be the next Duggar Family.  But I definitely know that I'm not done.  Or at least that the Lord has not quenched my desire to have more children.  We are being prayerful about it, as we saw how the Lord used us in the mission field just a few weeks ago and we are very much looking forward to seeing what the next mission might be.  I know that either way, I will be serving the Lord and that is a promise Ricky and I made when we got married and again when we prayed for a child.  We even wrote it on our wedding invitation so that, should it be necessary, those who love us can hold us accountable.  Only the underlined portion was on the invitation:


        And if it seems evil to you to serve the Lord, choose    for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. (Joshua 24:15)

With Marcos in his room on a regular day at home. Background mural by Ricky!

Mama on a Mission

We are BACK from El Salvador.  I don't even know where to begin on writing about how blessed I was by this entire trip.  When I was in graduate school, I did a summer abroad program and a large part of the program was to journal regularly about what was happening on the trip, what we were learning about the material and about ourselves.  I now understand the importance of that kind of assignment and wish I had done that on my trip to El Salvador.  Nonetheless, the lessons I learned and the faces I met are not ones I will soon forget.    


To be totally honest, on the day we were leaving for the trip, my thoughts were, "Ok let's get this over with so I can get back home and be with my baby."  I kept asking myself if I was only going because Ricky had thought it was a good idea and we'd never been on a missions trip before.  I was scared something would happen to us on the trip and we wouldn't make it back in one piece for our child.  I had heard countless non-reassuring stories of missionaries taken hostage and/or being murdered in the mission field.  Although I knew this wasn't the norm, all of these things were crossing my mind as I traveled farther and farther away from Marcos to do something I wasn't even sure I was being called to do.  The moment I arrived in El Salvador I had an immediate sense of inadequacy and realized that this is exactly how the Lord wanted me in this situation (2 Corinthians 12:10).  The country seemed so big and I felt so small.  That made sense too (Luke 10:2)


It wasn't until the morning after we arrived back home that the trip made sense to me.  It's not anything I can really explain here, but all I know is that as I closed my eyes to worship in song at church, the first image that sprung up behind my eyelids clear as day, was the image of a 70 year old woman named Martalina standing at her front door.  The second image was a whole bunch of little brown faces of children in school uniforms.  I couldn't shake these images so I allowed the Lord to wash over me as I worshipped.  It was then I realized that I had left my heart with those people.  


On Thursday afternoon, we were bringing food and prayer to families living in a makeshift neighborhood located right next to a women's prison we had visited earlier in the week.  As I was led to the doorway of the first home, I couldn't exactly make out where I was being led.  I decided it was a small junk yard we were passing to get to the first house. All of a sudden there was a woman standing in front of us telling her this was her "house."  I had never seen a home like this before.  It just looked like pieces of sheet metal and boards laying up against one another under a "roof" made of the same materials.  I was the only Spanish speaker in my group of three, so I was to greet the woman and tell her why we were there.  Only I had never done this before and I didn't know where to begin.  She looked surprised to see us and I felt just as surprised to be there.  This wasn't what I was expecting.  So I drew on strength from the Lord and let her know we were there to bless her with a bag of rice, beans, sugar and salt.  I then asked her if there was anything she would like us to pray with her about.  I had learned on the trip that Salvadorians are generally pretty bold and open with what's going on in their lives, especially when you are offering prayer.  She shook her head no and I'm looking at her house thinking, "No?!  You have nothing you want us to pray about?!"  I prompted her by asking, "Would you like us to pray for health?  Protection?  Blessing over your home?"  Then she remembered her 5 year old son William who had been very sick for a few weeks with a fever that was making him hallucinate and talk to himself.  We went inside her home and out came William from the back bouncing and smiling.  We prayed over the both of them.  When we opened our eyes, the woman was wiping her tears away and thanking us.  We moved on to the next house and I thought about how happy little William had seemed.  Just a regular 5 year old boy happy to have some visitors at his house.  These people were no different than me.  Except they don't have access to simple medicines to bring down their child's fever.  I can't imagine how scary that must have been for her.  


At the next home, there was an old woman standing outside the front doorway.  She looked like she had been waiting for us.  As we approached and I told her who we were and why we were there, it was clear that she was a woman with a heart for God.  We asked her if she believed and she said, "Oh yes!"  She told us that she is 70 years old and that she had been walking with the Lord for the past 10 years.  Her name was Martalina.  She informed us that the Lord had told her in a dream to pray from some visitors who would be coming to see her.  He had also told her to pray for the United States.  She told us she didn't know what any of this had meant, but in obedience to the Lord she had kept praying.  She told us that she lives alone but when she gets up and lies down she never feels lonely because she knows that her God, her "Papito" as she called him, is with her.  I thought it was so sweet that she calls the Lord the Spanish word for "Daddy."  After our conversation with her, I told her we'd like to lay hands on her and pray over her.  As we all closed our eyes, she began to pray for us!  She started with thanking the Lord for His provision and for his revelation to her about praying for these visitors.  She kept giving glory to His name for what He was doing thru us in providing for her needs.  She told Him that she had never doubted He would come through for her because He had never failed her before.  She prayed a prayer of such fervor and love that I could have never imagined coming out of someone who lived all alone in such poverty at her age and with all of her ailments.  We were in awe of how the Holy Spirit was clearly abiding in this woman and thanked her for blessing us when our intention had been to bless her.  My friend Manny who was with me asked me to translate for him and he told her that she would be a light in this neighborhood to all those who didn't know the Lord.  Manny then asked her if she was familiar with the scripture of the double portion as he handed her a second bag of food.  She said she certainly was and laughed as tears rolled down her face.  We had to move on to the next house, but we could have sat and talked with Martalina all afternoon.  


This is just a snippet of the way the Lord humbled all of us during this week.  It was a wake-up call to us about how we live and how unsatisfied we constantly are; always seeking more and better.  Meanwhile, an old woman who has nothing stands in the presence of the Lord and tells him, "You never fail me."  The truth is, she has everything we don't because of her faith.  When you take away all the material and all of the things that cloud our relationship with God; when we are brought to a place where we have nothing left, what we have left is better than all of our riches tripled and quadrupled: we have Him.  I hope to always remember Martalina and her enormous faith when I pray.


Going back to earlier in the week, it was clear that we were doing God's will from the beginning.  On our way to the hotel from the airport on the day of our arrival, we stopped at Wendy's for a quick lunch.  Although we often prayed as a group before all activities, eating was a bit different because we were often all sitting at different tables.  So we each prayed alone before we ate.  As we were finishing our lunch, one of the young girls who works at Wendy's named Raquel came up to one of our tables and asked, "What does it feel like to pray?  What do you like about being a Christian?"  We were happy to share about all the amazing aspects of a relationship with Christ and I was reassured that I was not there just because Ricky had wanted us to go.  The young girl told us that she did not have a Bible and we promised her we'd be back later in the week to bring her one.  Ricky never forgot about her and later in the week on our way back to the hotel, we brought her two Bibles; one for her and one for her friend Jennifer who had joined the conversation earlier in the week.  


On day 2 we visited three orphanages and one women's prison.  The orphanages were a bit difficult for me, especially when I would see the very little ones and hear the stories about how they were abandoned and left at the door of the orphanage or found in the street.  


At the women's prison, we did a presentation for the women with music and some drama relating what it really means to surrender your life to Jesus.  You could see the tension in the room between the warring groups of women.  At the end of the presentation, we offered the women a chance to talk one-on-one with any of the women from our group about their faith or lack thereof.  We offered them a chance to pray.  As I was finishing my invitation to the women, a bubbly young woman I'll call "Rosa," who had been visibly enjoying the presentation, sprang up from her seat and grabbed my hand!  She seemed grateful for the opportunity and said, "I want to talk with you!"  


Rosa seemed out of place to me in this prison; a happy-go-lucky teen girl with a plump figure, good hygiene and not a hair out of place.  I sat down on the floor with her and found out she was 19 years old serving her second year of a 15 year sentence for gang related double homicide.  She told me, "Dios me tocó," which means, "God has touched me."  She shared with me how while being incarcerated, the Lord had reached down to her and changed her heart.  The prison had recently offered the women the opportunity to participate in a Christian weekend retreat and that, Rosa said, was what really did it for her.  She explained that she is now walking with God and is excited to share all she's learning from her Bible with her family and fellow inmates.  She asked me to pray that she would not have to serve the full 15 years based on good behavior but assured me that even if the Lord allowed her to serve her full sentence, He would have a purpose in that and she wouldn't waste the time there.  The only thing she sometimes struggles with since being born again, Rosa said, is accepting that she is truly forgiven for what she did to get convicted.  She said she thinks about the families of those she killed and wishes she could apologize in person to them.  She has flashbacks of the incident and sometimes starts to believe that she is worthless and that God should be punishing her instead of loving her.  I assured her that when we repent, the Lord's forgiveness is complete and unconditional and he looks at our sin as if it were at the bottom of the ocean.  

He will again have compassion on us; he will tread our iniquities underfoot.  You will cast all our sins into the depths of the sea.  (Micah 7:19)

I also reminded Rosa that we have an Enemy who wants to discourage us from following God and that this enemy will whisper deception and lies to us when we are weak to make us believe that we are worthless.  

After seeing the light in this girl, I saw how Jesus can reach anywhere and give new life to anyone so that they will shine for Him in the darkest of places.  I also learned that often there is a level of brokenness that people need to get to before they are willing to hear the message of the Gospel.  This group of girls listened because they have little or no hope.  

Rosa was part of a group of women who have already been convicted for their crimes and are serving out their sentences.  However, the second group we met with in the prison was a group of girls who are being held while they await hearings.  The vast difference between the two groups was the looks in the girls' eyes.  The first group was engaged and seemed glad to have us there for a change of scenery if nothing else.  They joined in clapping and singing with the music portion of the presentation and laughed at the funny parts of the drama.  The second group just stared at us it seemed out of obligation.  They were unwilling to participate even when we offered them the opportunity for one-on-one conversation.  I had to force conversation out of each girl I spoke with in the second group; it was clear they looked at us as a waste of their time.  From the little conversation I was able to have with a small group of them, I learned that most of them are interested in getting out so that they can continue in a life of crime and/or are dating men in gangs and want to get out to be with them again.  The little eye contact they would make was always accompanied by a smirk.  It made me sad and it wasn't until later that I realized they aren't yet broken enough to be open to hearing the life changing message of the Gospel.

This brings me to a point that I have been meditating on for a little while.  Many people don't believe that they necessarily need to accept Christ because they are not victims of abuse, drug addicts, criminals, prostitutes, etc.  The truth is, the reason you hear about so many drug addicts, criminals, prostitutes and victims of abuse coming to Christ is because they are at the point where the only place left to look is up.  The ideal would be to accept Christ before your life gets to a point of maximum brokenness...   

As the week continued, we presented in countless out of the way schools to thousands of children and handed out copies of New Testaments to wide-eyed thankful little ones.  Some would ask us for an extra copy for their siblings or parents. One teacher who teaches English at a school was interested in having an English language Bible, so Ricky gave her my small pink travel Bible that I had been carrying around for a few years.  I hope she doesn't mind my notes in the margins!  

El Salvador school children proudly holding their new Bibles

Of all the schools we visited in El Salvador, only one had a principal who did not want us to present the message of the Gospel to the school as a whole.  However, he did allow us the opportunity to speak to classes individually and we were able to share testimonies from our groups of how the Lord pulled us out of lives of sin and fear to be in fellowship and peace with Him.  Because the students at this school were mostly teens, we were grateful for an opportunity to reach them in smaller groups and in a more specific way.  

I'm sure that as the days wear on, the Lord will continue to show me the reasons that He called me to take this trip.  When I was in El Salvador, I was very task-oriented and the exhaustion at night prevented me from any kind of reflection on the events of the day.  Here's a little story about my exhaustion that's good for a laugh:

On the last day of school visits, we were on the bus and I laid my head on Ricky's shoulder.  I was so tired and didn't feel I could do one more school.  The conversation went like this:

Me:  I don't want to anymore.  Was there any one of Jesus's disciples who just didn't want to anymore?  

Ricky: Yes. Judas.  And we all know how that ended. (Matthew 27:3-5)

Me: (laughing) Good point. 

But now as I am back in my regular environment, I see that the Lord used this trip to give me some insight into what real faith is born out of.  I've realized that as Americans, we have entirely too much and are so excessively blessed that we are convinced we don't need God.  We believe we can go it alone.  In many ways, we are in a much worse situation than the people of El Salvador.  They are hungry for God while we keep pushing Him out of every corner of our lives.  They believe (even the children!) in the reality of heaven and hell while we don't like to talk about either because it isn't a "positive" message.  We are led to believe that if we are poor it's because we don't have enough faith while someone like 70 year old Martalina believes she has all she needs because of her faith.  We believe that we are put on this planet to make ourselves happy while those who have nothing are looking for the way to make God happy.  We believe that if we are "good" people we will make it into heaven while the scripture states: 

All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away. (Isaiah 64:6)


I am grateful to have moved out of my context to serve the Lord.  It's very easy for me to offer up my gifts at home in church singing on the worship team.  It's a whole different story to feel completely inadequate and say to the Lord, "Here I am.  Send me."  I am glad I did.  And I pray for more opportunities to do so.  

The following is the message we related to the children and young people of El Salvador: 

No matter how many good things we do, since the fall of man (Genesis 3:1-24) we are all born with sin in our hearts.  We can't help it and no one of us is better or worse than any other (Romans 3:10-18).  Since our heavenly Father cannot be in the presence of sin (Isaiah 59:1-3), he sent his son Jesus to the cross as atonement for our sins.  Jesus's blood cleanses us from all our sin past, present and future (1 John 2:2).  Our only responsibility is to accept that sacrifice, repent of our sins and accept Jesus's work on the cross as the final sacrifice (John 1:12).  He said "It is finished." (John 19:30)  When we do this, we are purified and when we stand in the presence of almighty God at the time of our death, we will be judged according to all of our actions on earth (Hebrews 9:27) .  Those who have Jesus will have the payment for their sins and will enter heaven to live in eternal fellowship with the Lord (John 14:6).  Those who do not have Jesus will have to pay for their sins themselves eternally (John 3:36).  This is called Hell.  It's important to know that believing in Jesus is not enough.  Even the devil believes (James 2:19).  It's about committing your life to Him and living in fellowship with Him and obedience to Him.  So it's not about your religion (Matthew 7:22-23).  It's about your relationship.  

Children in an El Salvador school praying

   

Walking the Walk

I'm happy to say that in just a couple of short weeks, Ricky and I will be leaving for El Salvador on a missions trip with a great group called Straight Path Ministries.  We'll be gone for a week and we will be working with young children in schools and orphanages as well as visiting a women's prison where convicted members of a notorious gang are housed.  In addition, other members of our group will be serving in a medical portion of the trip and also a pastors' conference.  Ricky and I are not totally sure of exactly what we will be doing once we arrive since this is our first organized group mission ever, but that's part of what we are looking forward to: seeing how the Holy Spirit leads and what the Lord will call us to when we are there in the mission field.  There's been talk of Ricky working with the children because of his charismatic personality and they've also mentioned to me the possibility of helping to lead worship in some capacity.  I am up for whatever and don't want to assume that I am going to be prepared for any of what will face us.  But I am not going in my own power and based on my own skill, but on that of the Spirit.  I know it will be an absolutely eye-opening experience and I pray for strength and wisdom as I serve.


As I've mentioned in a past entry, I recently read the book "Radical" by David Platt in which he basically teaches on the idea of leaving behind the "American Dream" and reclaiming our faith.  Part of reclaiming our faith means paying close attention to ALL of what Jesus commands in the Scriptures.  As I read "Radical" I realized that the Lord was pressing it on my heart to pay more attention to the needs around me including to those abroad since he commands us to "Go and make disciples of ALL NATIONS" (Matthew 28:19).


There's a quote by Stephen Colbert that many people have been posting on Facebook recently.  He said:

If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition and then admit that we just don't want to do it.

Now I have two responses to this quote.  My first is actually taken from Pastor Andy Stanley (North Point Community Church).  His response to anyone calling the United States a "Christian nation" is that the word "Christian" is not actually an adjective.  It is a noun.  BUT there are a lot of Christians in this nation.  So Christians could definitely have a lot of influence here.  In fact, the word "Christian" means "little Christ."  So if this is a nation full of a bunch of "little Christs," then we need to take a page out of the [Good] book of Christ and act a lot more like Him!

My second response is YIKES, Stephen Colbert pretty much nailed it and really held a mirror up to the face of many Christians in this nation.  So for those of us who really believe in and acknowledge what Jesus commanded, maybe it's better to call ourselves Followers of Jesus.  Because if I am going to say that I follow Jesus, then I will be held accountable to do all that he commands.  Hence, the pressing call on my heart to serve in missions abroad even though it means leaving a lot of comforts behind.  This is my first time serving in missions abroad, but I certainly hope it will not be my last.  

The toughest part about this right now is the idea of leaving Marcos for an entire week.  The longest we've ever been away from him is 2 nights and by the third day, we are dying to be with our baby.  The other tough part is giving up on our two-year anniversary vacation that we had planned to take.  So as you can see, my worldly desire would be to stay here, be with my baby, take my resort vacation and let the group go to El Salvador without me like they've done every other February.  But the repetitive call on my heart through Scripture, "Radical," Andy Stanley (listen to his message "Recovery Road") and that quote by Stephen Colbert couldn't be ignored.  So when Ricky turned to me in church a few Sundays ago and said, "Why don't we both go?" I knew what I had to do.  After we decided to explore the idea, we prayed and laid it at the Lord's feet then watched him open one door after another in the direction of this mission.

As we prepare for our trip, we really covet your prayers.  We are very much looking forward to seeing how the Lord will use us in El Salvador and there will be an update upon our return.  Thank you for reading!! 

WAHM! (Not the 80's group).

So as I mentioned in my last post, I am a work-at-home mom... and that suits me just fine. In fact, I kind of love it.  However, until very recently (as in two weeks ago), I found it very difficult to stay focused and get everything done that I had set out to do at the start of each day.  Now I know that sometimes we just have to let go of the to-do list, enjoy our babies and give ourselves a break.  But my problem was that I was giving myself too many breaks.  Part of the reason I've never been so good at working in an office all day is that I can't stay on task long enough to complete a task in the amount of time it should take.  I take lots of detours and allow myself to be easily distracted.  I had written it off as a symptom of my "creative" personality, but this has translated into my stay-at-home life as well and there is no "boss" here to make sure I stay on task when it comes to household duties.  Out of the house errands are the easiest thing...everyone loves getting out of the house.  Food shopping, no problem.  Going to buy formula, diapers, shampoo, etc...good times!  It's the days that I am home all day where I have found it most difficult to be as productive as I would like to be.  I usually would set out with a list which by the end of the day would have about 2 or 3 things checked off.  Obviously, Marcos and work are a priority...hello, I need to feed my child and earn a living.  But I also need to cook for my family, wash their clothes and make sure this place looks halfway decent by the time Ricky gets home from work.  Ricky has encouraged me to create a sort of "schedule" for myself, but I wasn't sure how to really do that.  


So I laid it before the Lord.  I said, "Lord, you will decide what I will get done each day.  But please help me discern between those times when I should take it easy on myself and those times when I'm being too easy on myself."


This prayer started about two weeks ago when I knew that I was facing the inevitable monstrous duty of cleaning and reorganizing all my kitchen cabinets, a task that has not been dealt with in I don't care to admit how long (my mother would be so disappointed...should she ever read this blog...should she ever learn what a blog is).  Anyway, that very morning I had prayed the above prayer and pretty much forgotten about it.  As I sat at our breakfast bar finishing up my two brown rice cakes with almond butter (as you can see, I've got the healthy meals down now...at least breakfast!) and cup of coffee, I stared at my kitchen.  I stared and stared and began visualizing myself cleaning each cabinet one by one.  I imagined establishing a cabinet just for Marcos.  These babies come with a lot of stuff which pretty much warrants their very own kitchen cabinet if you can spare it.  In order to do this, however, there would be about 3 other cabinets that would have to be completely rearranged.  So as my mind ran away with the possibilities, I stood up determined to make it all happen!  I dove in and got on a roll...it took me about 8 hours altogether since I do have a 6 month old who needs to eat every once in a while...I emptied out, wiped down, rearranged and collected a pile of kitchenware to give away (really, who needs that many serving spoons?)


Ever since that day I've made a commitment to get at least one good household chore started and finished in the same day.  And I've been pretty successful for the most part, thanks to the Holy Spirit letting me know when break time is over!  This past Tuesday was a little rough.  Marcos's top two teeth are coming in and his naps that day were about 20 minutes each on top of having woken up crying three times the night before between the hours of 3am and 5am.  I started the day out exhausted and had to really pull myself up by the boot straps. I had finally gotten all my cleaning supplies together to get started on the living room when I heard the painful cry from Marcos's bedroom.  It was hard...  For the first time I felt like what they always show housewives feeling like on TV (and I don't mean the ones with a capital H who are not even housewives.  Please.)...defeated, tired, unorganized and with frizzy hair in a haphazard bun.  I sat with Marcos on the couch where he calmed down.  I decided to lay down with him to see if maybe he'd relax and fall asleep next to me.  I let the list go and accepted that this was a day in which I would get nothing done except for napping on the couch with my sweet little boy who wasn't feeling well.  We napped together for about 40 minutes and the rest of the day took an amazing turn for the better.  Marcos seemed to feel better and I was able to give the living room a nice deep cleaning during which I even moved the sectional couch all by myself to rotate the area rug...so I got a workout in as well! 


What I realize as I write this entry is that my calling as a "work-at-home mom" (WAHM) is all of that...work, home and mom. So on Tuesday when I had to let the "work" and "home" lists go and just be a mom, I wasn't doing anything wrong.  Marcos needed me, the Lord knew I needed the rest and He was challenging me to follow where He was leading even when it was not at all what I was expecting.  As a result of my obedience, he gave me the time and energy later in the day to get back to the list and check everything off!  Don't we serve an amazing God who sometimes just calls us to stop and rest?


Speaking of which, I've been listening to this incredible series from North Point Community Church in Atlanta, GA called "Life Apps."  I highly recommend it whether you are a Christian or not.  There are some really good life applications in there and they are presented in a way that makes sense to everyone about how these "apps" of forgiveness, confession, rest, trust and encouragement are really necessary in our lives.  I listen to these messages on my iPad or computer while I'm cleaning or cooking during the day.  North Point has some GREAT messages about all kinds of stuff, but here is the link to the "Life Apps" one if you want to listen:


Life Apps Series - North Point Community Church


As always, thank you for reading.  I'm off to bed so that I can be up bright and early to see what list the Lord has for me tomorrow! 

Free Association With Myself

Few people haven't seen the 1996 movie Jerry Maguire starring Tom Cruise in the title role and the then-little known Renee Zellweger as Dorothy Boyd.  In the famous scene where the well known phrase "You complete me" was immortalized, there was another line that spoke to me more than "You complete me."  These words, spoken by a character participating in the divorcee support group at Dorothy's home, sum up the way I feel about the holidays when it comes to my body and food.  The character, who in the credits is listed as "Women's Group Member" starts to talk about how the holidays make her feel "more divorced."  That part I don't relate to, but it's what she says next: "The songs, the constant chocolate eating..."  


Ok so the songs I can deal with.  But she really hit on something when she mentioned "the constant chocolate eating."  Have I been eating chocolate constantly as a result of the holidays?  Not at all.  But at this point in time, I'm not where I want to be with my body...and I'm anxious to go into the holidays with their constant chocolate eating feeling this way.  


I've definitely had a bit of a setback in the last month.  Exercise is still ok (6am kickboxing, that's wassup), but it's the food that is confounding me.  I have a really hard time figuring out what to eat for lunch!  Lunch is my least favorite meal and here's why: When I was working outside of the home full time, lunch was the meal I ate in the middle of the day purely for fuel and no other reason.  I would pack my lunch with some healthy snacks and as the day progressed, I would eat my snacks and meal and that was that.  But since I started working from home, I'm less prepared for lunch so I put it off until I'm starving and then I'm totally at a loss.  It's terrible and sometimes I find myself eating cheese and crackers, or some olives out of the jar! (Trader Joe's World's Largest Olives are DELICIOUS...but I digress...they are NOT an adequate lunch.)  Ricky and I are very good about not buying any junk, so there's nothing too terrible (and by terrible I mean chocolate and/or sugar/fat laden) in our house to get me into trouble.  But when you are talking about eating OLIVES in place of a meal, that's pretty terrible.


If anyone has any good ideas about how I could better organize my lunches, please share them here.  Also, any ideas of healthy quick lunches that are also tasty are welcome (easy on the bread...I like to save the bread for breakfast...other healthy carbs are welcome).  I'm actually considering "packing a lunch" for myself even though on most days I am not going anywhere for an extended period of time, just so I can follow the same type of eating schedule I did when I was working in the office and doing pretty well with my eating on most days.  Maybe that's the answer.  I think I'll try it this coming week.  Tomorrow is grocery shopping day, so I will shop with this plan in mind, as if I were going to work in the office next week.  Should be interesting...


In other news, Marcos is 6 months old today!!  He's doing so great and he's my best buddy (and also the reason I sometimes eat olives for lunch!)  He can now sit on his own for a little while, but he's not as interested in sitting as he is in trying to crawl!  Yes, he already has the "rocking on all fours" motion down...so I'll be getting a lot more exercise very soon. Yippee!!


I love being a stay-at-home/working mom.  It's really rewarding and most weeks I go to work at my mom's house one or two days and sometimes to the office for a bit.  I remember when I felt God leading me to work with my parents in 2009 and a little part felt somewhat defeated that I was giving up my career as a performer.  But I wanted to follow the Lord's leading and I'm so glad I did!  Now the Lord has used that job with my parents to bless me with the ability to be with my baby all the time while still earning a good salary and doing work that I enjoy.  For those of you who don't know, my parents own an auto body shop and I basically do their human resources and employee relations.  Since I'm creative by nature, I always create little projects that I enjoy and my dad is all for it!  As a result, I plan and execute all their events (our Christmas party coming up this weekend and a 20th anniversary party in January!).... I blog about company news (Check it out here!)....I produce our television commercials....and my most exciting project yet: I am producing a documentary about the history of the business with a great team of filmmakers (FutureHype Media) to be screened at the company's 20th Anniversary Party.  It will be a tearjerker for sure!  


I always tell my husband that I want to produce a reality show about our shop.  I already have the title: "Family Collision."  You heard it here first...if you see it anywhere else, it was my idea!  However, as entertaining as our family would be on television, I have my limits in the name of Jesus.  (But isn't that a good title?  It's a double entendre...for when there's family drama.  Ok, you get it.)


I started this entry with the intention of making it about my diet during this holiday season...but I kept free associating into other worthy topics.  So I changed the title like 3 times.  Thank you for reading my stream of consciousness in writing! 

And the winner is...

Thanks again to everyone who commented on my last post about Thirty-One Gifts!  We rounded up all the names of all the people who commented both here and on Facebook and picked a name out of a proverbial hat.  And the winner is...drum roll please....

ODALYS CEDENO!!

Congratulations, Odalys!!  You have won a $25 gift certificate to Thirty-One Gifts!  Enjoy it!! 

As you all know, we also were going to choose 2nd thru 5th place winners to have a donation made in their name to Feed My Starving Children.  Well, my cousin Denise Holway, who is the Thirty-One consultant heading up this online "party" has decided that she would like to make a donation in the name of each and every one of you who commented here on my blog or on Facebook!  So that means that all eight of you will have a donation made in your name!  Please be sure to send your name, email and street address to annettecortes@gmail.com as soon you can so that we can send you confirmation of your donation! I promise not to use your contact info for anything else besides sending you this confirmation.  And I mean it, I really can't stand when people put me on crazy email/mailing lists.  

Thank you so much for participating in this contest! I am so happy that hungry children around the world will be blessed by all of you!  And congratulations again to Odalys Cedeño!!